i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
