I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
