I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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