So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
