eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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