Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
