I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
