Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
