i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
