The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
