We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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