plz talk dirty to me
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
