My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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