well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
