Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
