maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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