My room smells like vodka and shame
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
