That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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