She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
