fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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