Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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