theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
