he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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