whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
why do cheetos always look like penises
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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