the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think my vagina is haunted
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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