He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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