I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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