Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
