I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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