escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
