sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
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No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
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When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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