I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize