I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
