I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
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How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
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His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap