In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.