you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.