went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
farters have to be the big spoon...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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