I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
