I accidentally had phone sex last night
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
