Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
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So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
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Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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