No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I need a beard to bite.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
