Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
