remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
