we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
