we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
