You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
