you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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