3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
