everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
BRING THE BAGELS
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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