Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
