just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
