I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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