she woke up with a sticky ear
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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