we have pet lesbian snakes
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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