I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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