What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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