i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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