Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so let's talk penis.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
