i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
