You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
