mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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