I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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