idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
