you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize