dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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