words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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