You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
