The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.