then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
