I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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