So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
